Napoleon

“The iPhone is a piece of shit. I never got sucked into that hype. Never. It would never work for me. I would go crazy if my fingertips couldn’t feel the keyboard. No brother, I have always been a Blackberry man. A loyalist you could even call me. Three Blackberry Pearls is what I used to pack. Back in 2007, when I was at Gieves and Hawkes for a fitting, I ordered them to provide me with four mobile phone pockets. Two on each side. They stared at me like I was mad. Well screw those Saville Row cocks! So what if their royal clientele had never asked for that! Never did use the fourth pocket though. But my suits used to be cocked and loaded with my three Pearls. It has all gone to shit now, but I still do love my Torch. Using its keyboard still gives me a feeling of control. Of power. The whole world may have gone mad for those shit phones but they will have to pry my fingers off this Blackberry before I give it up.”

Et tu, Atticus?

It was all very Coppola-esque and Puzo-id in its operatic intrigue and imagery. Like when the hatchet men were dispatched to take care of business during the baptism of Connie Corleone’s baby daughter, the family decided to settle matters as the nation was reveling in the grand ceremony unfolding at Mumbai’s own gleaming new cathedral, the DY Patil Stadium, on April 25, 2010. He may have been a made man, but he had put the business in jeopardy. Allowing him to continue would not be prudent. Don Modi’s execution was executed flawlessly.

Stop pissing in my coffee (Cricinfo)

Published in Cricinfo, March 2009

These are strange times. In the world we live in. There is hope in Washington, a mess in Afghanistan and Pakistan, the horror of terror in India, unease in the Middle East and above all, a sinking feeling in the homes and wallets of people across the globe. A day doesn’t go by without a gleeful, depressing or sanctimonious news report about another fraudster’s multi-billion dollar scheme to embezzle, subvert, misappropriate, grease away, palm off, blackmail and in much simpler terms, to liquidate the future of millions of people across the globe. People like you and me. The institution you have banked with for years has gone belly up and even in its state of rigor mortis, is leering at you, presenting its engorged gut in profile to you. Even as you are submerged in your own sea of apprehension and worry, there is anger swirling around you.

You feel violated.